I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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