She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
