So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
