Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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