If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
