Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
