I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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