Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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