Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
