From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
