either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
