I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
