I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
