yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
