connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
