I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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