Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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