Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
