I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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