is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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