Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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