she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
