I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
