Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
last night I used snow as a chaser
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
