If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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