please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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