Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
