Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
