My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
