every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
