I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
