Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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