Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
