video games are the ultimate cock blocker
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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