You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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