That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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