Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
