i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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