break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
