There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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