Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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