Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
