Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a search helicopter?!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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