hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
