He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
