It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
