if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
