just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
