you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
