i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Everclear isn't food dammit
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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