He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize