I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
