Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the day after is always just damage control
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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