just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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