Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
