And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
