Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
