last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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