i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
