I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
