It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
