it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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