It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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