As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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