Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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