So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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