I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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