You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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