Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
